Is it me, or is Christmas getting harder?
Oh I know it’s always been tough, especially for women who seem to be hormonally programmed to take on more responsibility than we really need.
Does anyone really care if we send Christmas cards? Not really. So why did I feel the urge to have one of my Monday morning art class creations printed 50 times to send out to friends and loved ones?
Well, the simple answer to that is because I thought it was rather good and I was showing off. It was a rip-off of a Rembrandt nativity scene and I rather fancied people opening the envelopes and saying “gosh, look at what Jenny’s done”. But what I’m trying to say is that not only can the effort and expense threaten to outbalance the fun, but these days we’ve got a great big dose of environmental guilt to deal with too. What with 24-26 December totting up 5.5 per cent of the UK’s annual total carbon footprint, it looks like Father Christmas is stomping around the country wearing pretty big boots.
The under-30s are really onto this and now that leaving the EU sadly looks like a done deal, I can see a huge amount of family arguments stemming from accusations of “killing the planet” over the cracker-pulling.
All that paper, all that waste, all those plastic bits of nonsense that end up choking the vacuum cleaner. Meanwhile, Granny, who had had enough of Brexit last year, doesn’t see why everyone can’t just have a nice time and can’t understand why everyone’s presents have been wrapped in boring brown paper from which the tags have fallen off, and consequently the gifting is completely random.
Of course, if we’re going to stop the Christmas carbon footprint stampede, then in a few years’ time, we won’t be dealing with presents wrapped or otherwise; instead, we will all be waking up to small handwritten notes saying, “Your Christmas gift this year is in the form of a charity donation.”
Instagram is full of photos depicting the perfect festive interior décor, with fairy lights blazing and cute toddlers dressed up as Christmas puddings
I’m not sure how Christmas future is going to look. How are all the glossy magazines that start selling us the Christmas dream in October going to deal with the fact that the most wonderful time of the year is an environmental disaster? What will happen to Paperchase, which is such a wonderful grotto of goodies at Christmas?
I know, I know, I just want to have a good time too. I want loads of presents and a massive turkey dinner; I want to jump in the car and visit my family. I love my Christmas tree lights but even I’m starting to look at glittery gift tags and fancy wrapping paper and thinking, “what am I doing?”
I’m not sure how easy it will be to turn back the tide of Christmas excess, we’re so programmed to overindulge at this time of year. After all, we’ve been good boys and girls, we’ve bought a refillable coffee mug thing (loads of times actually) and eaten several vegan meals over the past 12 months.
In any case, every ad on the telly is urging us on: fill those stockings ’til they bulge, pile those presents around the biggest tree you can find and don’t forget to buy those crispy prawn filo pastry wontons, because Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without them! What, since when? Meanwhile, Instagram is full of photos depicting the perfect festive interior décor with fairy lights blazing and cute toddlers dressed up as Christmas puddings – ah, I want one.
It’s madness, of course it is, but everyday life is dreary enough without the promise of a bit of festive sparkle and, yes, hand-made wreaths made from foraging pine cones in the woods are lovely in principle, but here in London it costs 50 quid to attend a “natural” wreath-making workshop!
There’s cash to be made, it seems, from anyone with an environmental conscience. So much so that news broke at the weekend about the boom this year in Greta Thunberg merchandise, which is precisely the kind of thing that would have Thunberg pulling her plaits out in despair. Here is a 16-year-old girl who has taken on the responsibility of being the voice of climate change, reduced to a load of online rubbish, obviously none of which has been approved by Thunberg herself. While T-shirts and tote bags emblazoned with Thunberg quotes may seem innocuous enough, they’re unfortunately not; most of them are made in China and contain non-biodegradable polyester. But that’s not the worst of it: among all the Thunberg tat on eBay are Thunberg car air fresheners – now that really is taking the piss.
Change is inevitable. This year all the cool kids are renting replantable Christmas trees and from next year, Waitrose and John Lewis have promised that their Christmas cracker gifts will be recyclable.
In the meantime, for those who need an excuse, being “environmentally friendly” is a great reason for not visiting the in-laws. Have as much fun as you can, everyone.